Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Boundaries in Marriage?

I closed the poll with a total of 31 votes!  Holla for more readers! I think my very first poll back in 2007 had only 4 votes, thoseandrews has come a long way :)

So the verdict was that most of you think toothbrushes are something you would rather not share.  I agree, surprise surprise! I get the heeby jeebys about sharing a toothbrush.  However, a decent chunk of you say that you are not grossed out and are fine sharing everything with your spouse.  This opens up an interesting discussion about being one flesh but maintaining certain boundaries or privacy within a marriage.  Is it better to have no boundaries and truly be "one flesh" or are some boundaries good for a healthy marriage?  I think whatever you find builds intimacy and oneness is good.  Sometimes boundaries and privacy create an opportunity for a more intimate atmosphere and other times too much privacy might prevent intimacy.  It's about what works for your marriage.  I enjoyed looking at the poll, I think it is fun to see what other couples think!  Thanks for voting!  

4 comments:

D:No said...

hmmm, boundaries. I feel like we have rarely any in terms of communication. During pre-marital counseling the mentor wife mentioned to me that I should never tell my husband anything that would disrespect him, so that's about the only I don't communicate with him. And obviously things that people tell me that they don't want others to know.
Boundaries in terms of physical things (like toothbrushes). I hadn't really thought of that before. The problem probably only comes when the boundary is an issue for someone and not for someone else, like if a wife gets bothered by her toothbrush being used, but the husband doesn't really care and continues to use his wife's toothbrush. Interesting topic though...

mallory said...

I agree, we don't have boundaries in terms of communication. I was thinking about more physical boundaries. For example, I know someone who is worried that childbirth will ruin her "Feminine Mystique" as she likes to call it. She likes to maintain a certain level of privacy and doesn't want the reality (and aftermath) of childbirth to damage the "mystique" that she maintains with her spouse. It was really interesting when she first told me this because I have never thought in terms of the "feminine mystique". It is kind of a 1950's concept, but I think there is some wisdom in it. Of course, men weren't even in the delivery rooms in the 1950s and I think it is better that most dads are now (it is the most amazing thing you will ever see!). But to maintain some level of modesty/privacy and not just letting it ALL hang out might do marriages some good. It is an interesting topic.

esther lee said...

I've heard mixed reviews about the book, Boundaries in Marriage. I really like what the Amazon Review has to say about it, specifically, "couples need to claim and take responsibility for the "treasures that lie within their individual borders," such as: "feelings, attitudes, behaviors, choices, limits, desires, thoughts, values, talents, and love. This is a book about taking responsibility for oneself in all aspects of life, but especially within the boundaries of marital commitment."

I know this is a little bit different than actual physical boundaries but I've been seeing so much through a spiritual grid lately (even when things are presented in the physical realm) and thought I'd throw it in to the mix.

Grams said...

Boundries? Of course! Just get separate bedrooms and separate bathrooms with visiting privileges. BYOT. Bring your own toothbrush! (Of course, this only works after 51 years)