Thursday, August 30, 2012

fullness of joy

As the weeks turned to months and the months have turned into a year, we've watch Reese's personality develop.  When she was a young infant I thought for sure I had it made with her.  God had given me a docile, laid back child who would be so easy to discipline and raise.  Oh what a difference a year made!  Now Parks and Reese are definitely different personalities, however, they are BOTH livewires.    Parks is strong-willed to the core and very bright- kind of a difficult combo.  It's kind of scary when you feel like your 3 year old is playing you for a fool.  He's can be a real challenge in the discipline department and also amazingly compassionate, helpful, innovative.  He is kind of, dare I say....calculating.   Reese is just plain feisty.  She's hilarious and a little firecracker.  She's much more relational and social than Parks but she's capable of throwing a tantrum with the best of 'em.  She has two speeds: asleep and full steam ahead.  She runs EVERYWHERE she goes and she's fast as lightening.  She's on tables, climbing up bookcases, etc.  She's a monkey/chatty cathy hybrid.  Lord, help me!

These two are my greatest joy and no doubt my greatest challenge.  Sometimes, I wonder how on the earth God saw me fit to handle them.  And then I realize, I'm supposed to parent in Christ who strengthens me. Joy is something that sometimes I struggle with in the daily reality of chasing Reese when she is running into the cul-de-sac or administering the 3rd spanking of the morning or having a screaming 15 month old in Trader Joes bc she wants to run around or trying to make lunch amidst endless requests for things and refereeing sibling fights.  Sometimes I just want to scream, "I'm not good at this!!!  Make it stop!!!!!"  Anybody?

This is how I feel "in the natural".  But I know that as a Christian, the natural is not the end for me.  Something that has really helped me is the scripture Psalm 16:11 it says "In His presence is fullness of joy."  I don't know about you but I need some JOY!  Where do we go when circumstances leave us without joy? In God's presence.  How do we get there?  That's probably different for different people.  But for me, I'm trying to be better about getting a little time in here and there with my bible.  It doesn't have to be a big study, just a quick moment with a scripture.  I try to read about the promises of God and let my mind dwell on it.  Another thing has been having Christian music on, in the car and in the house.  It really puts my heart in a different "posture"?  Then of course, being at church is a great way to feel God's presence.

So here I am. Trying to do the best I can for my kids despite my weaknesses.  Failing sometimes.  Successful sometimes.  Praying & desperate for God always.

The chuckleheads....


brett baker said...

i love it i love it i love it. thank you.

Gillian said...

Hi Mallory,

I am so glad that you are blogging again!

I appreciate your post and vulnerability. In this season of my life I also find myself struggling to find joy. Like you I have been memorizing scriptures and listening to more Christian music in order to stay focused on Him. I will have to memorize Psalm 16:11 next.